Oh Boys!!

So I was sitting here trying to come up with a post about my love life. Well, I was emailing my friend DDD this morning and read it back and it is pretty much everything I would have written here. So here's a cut and paste of the email I sent her. (names changed to protect the innocent :)

Oh geez, I could write a book!

I'm pretty much one big ball of confusion.

On one hand, there's The Boy, who is pretty much perfect. He's so sweet and genuine that it's just ridiculous. We have a great time and he has started coming around the kids some. Pretty sure they like him more than me. I was in a bind Friday night because mom and dad were busy and I had to work at the club. I took the kids with me there but they end up running wild there. So he offers to babysit. I thought he was joking, but no, he was serious. So he comes and picks them up and even has plans for them. I got home at 9 and they had done great. He was worn out but really seemed to like doing it. Talk about melting your heart when you come in and see all four kids curled up on the couch with this guy who never even had to meet them. Rather he chose to own his own accord.

A friend and I discussed this though. Seeing a guy be good to your kids can make him 100 times more appealing to you, because you are always going to put your kids in front of yourself.

So there I am getting all mushy about him. But I wonder if it's for the right reasons. The internal debates I have with myself are epic :)

Then lets go to the other hand where there is Fathead (Treeman to you blog folk) and Eye Candy. Treeman was all but out of the picture for anything other than friends, and I had written him totally off. Well, a group of people I've become pretty good friends with has a bonfire on Saturday night and his big ass is there. And just completely adorable and flirting up a storm. He starts texting me when I leave, he's pretty drunk mind you. Hell, I was too. He said he would come join me. I said there were plenty of crazy girls waiting in line that I'm sure would take him up on that offer. He comes back with how he's done with the crazy and all this business. I still rebuff with a whatever and he comes back with how he's full of surprises and such. So I go to bed and chalk it up to drunk texting. Then I start questioning everything yesterday. I'm so retarded. I don't know why I do that. I texted back n forth with him a little bit yesterday. I don't know.

Then there is Eye Candy (wow do I sound like a slut, but I swear I've only done anything with The Boy) who is just adorable and tall and has an awesome body. And he makes a point to tell me often how much he would love to do stuff with me. Now, with him, I am certain it would be just sex. And The Boy and I are agreed that we are not dating and anything. But I still would feel guilty doing anything with Eye Candy, because I just don't want to be that kind of person. And I would be devastated if I ever hurt The Boy, because he just doesn't deserve that. But I've been attracted to Eye Candy for a LONG time. Pretty much since I knew Z and I were over and actually opened my eyes and saw that guys were out there. (around when we went to Indy)
So it's like I'm afraid I always will wonder what he would be like.

So here I am all confused. I don't want to put The Boy aside and possibly lose him because he could be exactly what I need. But then I'm afraid I will just fall into another relationship because it's easy and not because it is with someone I truly can not live without. Then I get all these guilty feelings because I don't want to just keep him around until someone better comes along, because he is near perfect. I do have really strong feelings for him, but I don't trust my own feelings and I'm afraid I will do the wrong thing.

So yea...........rock-me-hard place. And I don't even know how I ended up in this spot. I had swore off guys as anything other than to just play around with. I swear some shrink would have a heyday with what's inside this head of mine.